Unless you're serving time, there's never enough of it.
Buy land. They don't make it anymore.
When we are happy we are always good, but when we are good we are not always happy.
Any man should be happy who is allowed the patience of his wife, the tolerance of his children, and the affection of waiters.
That which chiefly causes the failure of a dinner party is the running short -- not of meat, nor of drink, but of conversation.
We don't take our pleasures seriously enough.
Comedy is when you slip on a banana peel; tragedy is when I slip on a banana peel.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Virtue is insufficient temptation.
What experience and history teach is that people and governments have never learned anything from history.